Freeze Baby Freeze

There are basically three types of reproduction: asexual reproduction (cloning), unisexual reproduction (through the development of female sex cells without fertilization), and sexual reproduction (requires the genetic material of two parents).

Unfortunately, humans fall into the latter category. It takes two people to make one baby: one that produces sperm, and one that produces eggs, traditionally in conjunction with a functioning uterus to grow the fetus inside. This basic principle has remained unchanged for hundreds of thousands of years. Yet, the distribution of responsibility and workload is inherently unfair as it places a disproportionately greater burden on the person with the eggs and the uterus than on the sperm donor.

The French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir, who chose to not become a mother, argued that their ability to reproduce puts women at a biological disadvantage, which is then further exploited by a patriarchal society to keep women in a subordinate position. In her groundbreaking feminist analysis, The Second Sex, first published in 1949, she writes: “Eat, sleep, clean… the years no longer reach toward the sky, they spread out identical and grey. Every day looks like the previous one; the present is eternal, useless and hopeless.”

As a late mother myself, I can somewhat relate – even though I was never a stay-at-home-mom. Yes, babies are cute and at the best of times they can reward you with that priceless feeling of not being completely useless in this world. But at the same time, the rearing of infants and toddlers is as mind-numbing as it is all-encompassing. The exhausting repetitiveness of it all, the lack of intellectual stimulation, the external control of daily routines for many years. Motherhood is a perpetual state of chaotic monotony that takes a toll on everything from your sex life to your financial stability and your mental health. Rachel Yoder’s novel Nightbitch that was made into a movie in 2024 does a pretty good job at depicting the isolation and despair mothers of young children experience – especially when fathers don’t step up to carry their share of the mental load.

In 2015, the Israeli sociologist Orna Donath coined the term “regretting motherhood.” Her book of the same name led to a social media movement in which women shared their struggles using the hashtag #regrettingmotherhood. Donath concluded that societal expectations, which assign women a specific role as mothers, and the lack of support from partners, family and social institutions were the key external factors leading to their frustration. In popular media, motherhood is often idealized as “natural” and blissful. In addition, power feminism and girl boss tropes spread through social media add to the pressure to balance career, personal development, and family life.

It comes as no surprise that historically, any advancements in female rights have inevitably led to a drop in birthrates. Since the introduction of the pill and the second wave of feminism in the 1960s, birthrates worldwide have been steadily declining. It’s almost as if women simply don’t want to have as many babies, when given a choice.

The rise of the Christian Right in the USA as well as in some European countries is therefore accompanied by the proclamation of a “declining birthrate crisis” threatening the national survival. Unsurprisingly, yet disappointingly, conservative politicians see curtailing women’s reproductive rights – rather than improving their socioeconomic conditions – as the most promising strategy. While trad wife influencers may implore their followers to “come into their feminine energy” all they want – the data tells a different story. Education and economic independence are the two main factors that lead to women having fewer children and having them later in life. Again, I can relate. It’s indisputable that the decision for or against reproducing is deeply personal at any age und should never be judged. But when asked for advice, especially by younger women, I urge them to wait as long as possible. Enjoy your freedom first, be tied down later.

But what sounds good on paper has a major biological drawback. Motherhood comes with expiration date. Fatherhood, on the other hand, does not. Mick Jagger had a baby at 73, Robert de Niro at 79, Bernie Ecclestone at 89. The list goes on. This is perhaps the greatest injustice of them all. Tik tok – the baby clock is ticking, whether you like it or not. Once you miss the right moment, you can never go back.

Luckily, modern reproductive technologies seemingly offer a solution to this dilemma. Egg freezing is a medical procedure that preserves unfertilized eggs for future use. Although there is no official age limit, patients are generally encouraged to undergo the process before they hit 35, as the quality of the eggs decreases rapidly after that. The procedure is sometimes also referred to as social freezing, a controversial term, as it sheds light on the fact that women’s reproductive choices are, in large part, socially constructed rather than a natural urge.

In 2024, Cosmopolitan UK published a list of female celebrities that had admittedly frozen their eggs. Among them was the British writer and director Michaela Coel, who at 37 admitted she’d “never been too thinky about bearing my own children through my vagina” but underwent the procedure anyway, “in case I changed my mind.” In a similar vein, actress Kristen Stewart stresses that for her, egg freezing was simply a means of keeping her “options open.”

The 2011 study “Social egg freezing: for better, not for worse” stresses that patients are often depicted as either “selfish career women” or “victims of a male-oriented society” in the media. The paper calls for the issue to be approached without moral prejudices and emphasizes that persons “going through the burdensome procedure of cryopreserving oocytes most likely have very good reasons for postponing motherhood.”

Some feminist scholars have strong opinions on the subject as well. The Australian sociologist Melinda Cooper published her book Life as Surplus: Biotechnology and Capitalism in the Neoliberal Era in 2008. She sees reproductive technologies as a way of expropriating women of their reproductive powers and turning it into a business which ultimately promotes conservative images of women and motherhood. Others, like the German cultural and gender scientist Ute Kalender, emphasize the transformative potential of reproductive medicine. Reproduction can thus be decoupled from penetrative sex, binary gender models, and biological notions of kinship, allowing the queer community to explore unconventional family structures.

Fertility clinic advertisements typically opt for a rational, less emotional approach that is primarily intended to appeal to career women. Heteronormativity is not overemphasized, but it is a common ingredient in the advertising images. Egg freezing is presented as a “biological insurance policy,” a way to “stop the biological clock,” a smart girl’s choice, enabling her to have it all: a successful career in the corporate rat race, and to feel the quiet happiness of gazing into the bright eyes of your bio-child.

However, these ads have faced some scrutiny in the past years for potentially downplaying the full costs as well as the actual chances of future success from the frozen eggs. Cryopreservation, as it is medically known, is a for-profit procedure. The price varies greatly on location – while in some European countries, the harvesting and freezing of one cycle of eggs may cost as little as 3000 Euros, some clinics in the US charge up to 20,000 USD. On top of that, there are annual storage fees for the high-tech freezers. Lastly, the frozen eggs can only be turned into babies by employing another extremely costly procedure known as in vitro fertilization (IVF). First, the eggs are thawed. Then fertilized with sperm in a lab to create an embryo. In the last step, that embryo is transferred to the uterus. In preparation, the potential mother must undergo a high dosage hormone treatment by daily injections for 8 to 13 days. Yet, a resulting pregnancy cannot be guaranteed. Again, success rates vary greatly with age, dropping from 55% at under 35, to a mere 8% at 40 years and older. This leads to older women typically undergoing several rounds of IVF, a physically demanding, nerve-wracking and financially ruinous undertaking.

The study “Social Freezing: Pressing Pause on Fertility” published in 2021 concludes that the success rates are even lower with frozen eggs or “vitrified oocytes” as opposed to “fresh oocytes.” And once again, the woman’s age plays the biggest role, namely the “maternal age at the time of freezing.” The study closes with the devastating assessment: “If only 40-year-old women resort to social freezing in a desperate attempt to ‘save’ their fertility, it will hardly produce any positive results.”

Time is a merciless mistress; there is no escaping her. On sober reflection, the following can be concluded: If you are still in your “golden age of fertility” (definitely under 40, ideally under 35) and have money to spend like a movie star, go for it. For everyone else, the same still applies: a fulfilling life cannot be planned on the drawing board. It arises from a sometimes bittersweet and sometimes wonderful chain of coincidences, strokes of luck, and missed opportunities.