LILLY PALMER: BEHIND THE DECKS, AHEAD OF THE GAME

Lilly Palmer: You often don’t realise someone is a narcissist until it’s too late. That’s happened to me more than once. I’m a very open person who naturally gives a lot of myself, but I also tend to trust too easily and leave myself vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this not just in my career, but also in friendships and within my own family. The closer someone is to you, the deeper the betrayal cuts.

When you’re caught in these dynamics, you eventually have to learn to let go and distance yourself from the person to protect your own well-being and break this toxic cycle. I’ve often struggled with emotional withdrawal and conditional affection. Learning to value and love myself for who I am has been a difficult journey, and it’s one I explore in this track.

For me, it’s a creative and healthy way of processing my experiences. Almost everyone can relate to these emotions. It’s about pushing beyond your limits and channelling negative experiences into something positive. Electronic music is largely a non-verbal art form, which makes the track title crucial in conveying its message.

With this release, I wanted to bring meaningful lyrics and a certain depth to the music. I can definitely see myself moving further into rap and incorporating more vocals into my music, including collaborations with a select group of artists. I also love telling stories. That said, it doesn’t mean I’ll stop making straight-up club tracks.

You might think so. But in fact, my dad is a very open-minded and moderate person who never imposed particularly strict rules on me. Of course, certain values and principles carried more weight in our family than in others. But when it came to religion, I was never pressured into anything as a teenager.

Quite the opposite. My dad is a rebel at heart himself. During church services, he would often wear metal shirts beneath his clerical robes, and he was a regular at festivals like Wacken Open Air. In a sense, he passed that rebellious streak on to me from the very beginning. He introduced me to bands like Rammstein and Slipknot. The one exception was Marilyn Manson, whom my dad considered a little too satanic.

I think metal and techno are closely related in many ways. Both have these powerful, almost brutal drops, and the energy is remarkably similar. Metalheads are some of the best human beings in the world, in my opinion. They channel their aggression into the music and are among the most laid-back people you could ever meet.

I used to go out in Nuremberg with my friends, where we listened to both metal and minimal techno. I loved both genres, but techno always had a more positive appeal for me. What captivated me most was the sense of community within the scene. At first, I was fascinated by the idea that people would dance for five hours straight, completely immersed in the music, and feel nothing but pure joy. There was something incredibly peaceful about it. You could be whoever you wanted to be, free from judgment. I was drawn to that sense of freedom from the very beginning.

Unfortunately, women are still too often made to feel that they’re not good enough, which leads us to underestimate our own abilities. I find that incredibly sad. DJing and music production remain largely male-dominated fields, and when I was starting out, there were very few female role models I could look up to. For far too long, I never considered DJing a realistic path for myself. It was a female friend who finally encouraged me to give it a try. Looking back, I can honestly say it’s the best job in the world for me.

You need a thick skin to stand your ground. I’ve always had quite a masculine side to my personality, too. Over time, I’ve learned to be assertive without compromising my femininity. I’m not someone who simply stands in the corner looking pretty. I speak my mind, stand by my convictions and make it clear what I want. Naturally, that can ruffle a few feathers, but it’s often part of what it takes for a woman to be taken seriously. Men tend to second-guess themselves less. Women, on the other hand, have a tendency to overthink everything ad nauseam, often getting in our own way.

That said, I’m not interested in male-bashing. We also have a responsibility to believe in ourselves, claim our space and make our voices heard. It’s a far more nuanced issue than any short answer or simplistic narrative could capture. But one thing I can say is that I love being a woman in a world still largely dominated by men!

That’s exactly the point. The pressure of social media has made people increasingly reluctant to speak their minds, particularly women. Online trolls can twist your words and use them against you. I used to look up to artists like Charlotte de Witte, who adopted masculine artist names to gain acceptance, and Amelie Lens, who initially wore oversized men’s T-shirts when DJing to avoid appearing too feminine. In that respect, little seems to have moved forward.

Of course, movements like #MeToo have raised awareness, but behind the scenes, very little has fundamentally changed. At least, I haven’t noticed any significant progress myself. Interestingly, the further my career has progressed, the less online hate I seem to receive.

I’m ambitious, outspoken and relentlessly optimistic. I’m not afraid to take risks and tend to expect things to work out rather than anticipate failure. I have a real zest for life, and when things don’t go as planned, I see them as opportunities to learn. A lot went wrong when I was younger, and those experiences shaped who I am today. At some point, I reached a place where I felt I had nothing left to lose, so I stopped letting the fear of failure hold me back and simply went for it. I also have a deep trust in my own energy. I’ve found that when I approach life with a positive mindset, I tend to attract the right people and opportunities.

I’ve come to realise that I’m much more productive when I maintain regular working hours and a consistent sleep schedule. Naturally, that’s a different story when I’m playing gigs. I’ve learned a lot from my husband, who is incredibly athletic and disciplined. He’s also my partner in music production. I tend to bring the initial ideas and contribute the emotional and stylistic direction, while he takes care of much of the production itself. My creative instincts are at their sharpest between 9 a.m. and 2 p.m. After that, I need to take a break before returning to work. Burning the midnight oil creatively just doesn’t work for me anymore.

A few years ago, I realised this lifestyle was consuming me and that I needed to make a radical change to find some balance. I had two panic attacks while performing. My heart was racing uncontrollably, and I genuinely thought I was going to die. I remember thinking, “Okay, this is it. I’m going to die right here on stage.” After that, I bought a horse and went full-on horse girl. Whenever I’m not performing, I spend my weekdays at the stables, shovelling horse shit. And I absolutely love it!

It’s a hectic lifestyle. It’s glamorous, but it can also be exhausting as hell. When you’re playing up to a hundred gigs a year, of course there are times when all you want to do is chill on the couch at home. Hotels have become my second home. That said, I’m also someone who’s constantly driven. All my life, I’ve been torn between wanting to escape and longing for a place to call home.

Today, I’ve found that sense of belonging with my husband in the Netherlands, even though I’m still on the road every weekend. For me, it’s the perfect balance. Recently, I had a Friday off and was actually looking forward to taking it easy for once. But as the evening went on, I found myself craving the stage again. As long as I still have that drive, I’m good. It’s the exact opposite of burnout.

I need a little peace and quiet. Of course, I make time for my fans, take photos and meet them, but afterwards, I just want to disappear into a bathtub and be left alone. Some people want to keep partying after a show, but that’s the last thing I feel like doing. My husband joins me at most of my shows, and he knows that once I’m off stage, I sometimes don’t want to talk to anyone, not even him. I just need to shut everything out and enjoy the silence. He doesn’t take it personally…