About Inner Strength and Patience: In Conversation with Muay Thai Coach PT

Muay Thai is the kind of sport that captures the moment of life when the physical intensity meets the internal peace. The sport was used as a weapon to fight in the war against Burma. Back then, the people were very poor and didn’t had any swords or guns and all of this, so this group of people invented it. It wasn’t called Muay Tai actually, they called it Muay Boran. It’s a very close combat sport and was designed to kill people. Like in the movie it looks crazy, you know? The sport itself, or the martial art itself, is designed not only to kill, but is more like to protect themselves: their families, their loved ones, the town, and that’s how it started.

Yeah, it’s a very long history. For me it’s not so important where it’s from, it is the art itself, right, and it doesn’t matter how you practice it, you do the same thing. A lot of people in the Southeast Asian Corner also think or say things like “oh, this is not Muay Thai. It actually grew from our country“. But the thing is, I think back then Thailand or the other countries around it didn’t have a clear border, right? So when the group of people learned this thing and then move around and then they say “oh now the country is split, then it’s not anymore Muay Thai, it’s actually from this or that country”, I don’t care. Maybe Thailand named it first, therefore you have the name Muay Thai.

I think the principle of Muay Thai is that you have to practice a lot, right? There’s beautiful movement, it’s art. There’s a name for each of them and you constantly have to practice those moves.

I would say yes it is a trend, not Muay Thai itself but martial arts as a whole. If we go a little bit backwards, during Covid, people started to be more concerned or more focused about living well, eating well and being healthy. I think that martial art is a sport or one of things where it’s like being on a highway: you can be fit, you can be strong, you can lose weight, get muscle fat the fastest because that’s happened to me too you know. And that’s why I think it’s become trendy. And then another aspect is that there is a story to it. For every kind of martial arts, there is history, there’s a background. And I think people can experience the story, get passionate, and feel this specialty of doing that sport. Compared to running for example which is very dry, you know, it’s just running. 

I started seriously during the end of 2019, I think it was before COVID. I’ve always been a very sporty person, very active, you know. One day, it was before I started Muay Thai, I had an accident and broke two sides of my collar bones. I had to stay like an old vegetable for six months and it felt like the point between life and death. And I knew, no I cannot be like this for six months or even in the future, or at least I have to take care of my body, my machine. If my machine works well, then everything else works well too, right? So then I started to discover things, and Muay Thai was one of them. I tried a lot of extreme sports because I don’t know, it’s very cool and Muay Thai was one of them. It’s a sport that I wanted to try since I was in Thailand, but I never got a chance to.

Because back then, when you walked into the gym, you were the only girl and all these naked men would look at you and then you start thinking all this stuff like, okay, maybe not today. 

Because it has the direct connection to my roots, you know? And I feel a lot of history behind it. A lot of respect, a lot of practice, a lot of sympathy. It’s not only about to fight: you learn together, you grow together. And I feel it’s very connected to me directly. It’s straightforward. It’s like: if you do this you’re good, if you practice you become better, you know? I’m a very logical person and when something is not logical I don’t understand it and I don’t know why I should continue with it. When I first joined a gym, after two weeks I knew I needed more. You’re sweating, you’re tired, but at the same time you’re trying to be better and wanting to understand it, because there are so many small details which you can improve every time. The teacher wondered how I can learn things so fast, I think it’s because I’m a logical person and take care of all the details, for example I practice one move a million times. And that’s why I can perform well.

When you talk about martial arts, it’s often all about violence and physical strength, but for me Muay Thai is completely the opposite. It comes from the inside, right? What I learned from the years I was teaching Muay Thai, is that people actually come to search for their inner strength. To find their inner peace with full balance, to feel good about themselves, to be a bit more confident or to feel happy, to become fit and have a good time. 

So working as a trainer, it’s not only about to tell them how to perform this kick, how to perform this move, but also in a way teaching and giving them the reason why they’re doing this, why they have to be respectful or why they have to be patient. Because if you wait for your time to come, then it’s going to be your chance to shine. And that is the message that I always give them. You wait for your turn, and you try to understand yourself, your strength, your partner and what the partner does. 

One of the opposite things in architecture is that if you do something, you work, you create things, creative, good or bad, whatever, you’re still gonna get only bad comments. Doesn’t matter how good you are; if we hear that all the time we will start to believe it.

I also didn’t expect that feedback from the students that I teach. A student came to me and said PT, you actually have no idea what you do to my life, you know? I’m teaching them to do these moves and kicks but I didn’t think that it was also gonna touch their feelings in terms of mental growth and inner strength. And that’s another reason why I love teaching Muay Thai, because not only can I teach them all the moves I know but I can also give them support. Because everyone has a different background, different things they deal with. Maybe you had a hard day at work and you can’t seem to get these moves right. But then I have the patience and let them understand hey, it’s okay, it’s the first day trying. You can just try again tomorrow, you know? Step-by-step.

I have a lot of moments like that. Not weak, more like disappointed or angry, but I can’t do Muay Thai in this state and release my anger on the other, I have to work on myself. In the partner world, the other person learns from me but I also learn from them. For me it’s more like about how to control your feeling in order to pursue something that is beyond that. Because it’s like you go into your state of mind, almost like a meditation. And if I have a bad day I say, okay, I’m going to train now, I will handle the problems later or tomorrow. I have the power to handle my emotions. 

I moved to Germany in 2011. I used to be a very innocent Thai young girl, I expected to learn a lot from West world and had some big imagination about how it’s going to be like. Back then I was choosing between England and Germany, but I decided for Germany because it was more affordable for my mother. 

In Thailand, I was already working as an architect for three years. But I felt stuck, I felt like my life meant to be more than this. So I decided to empty my pockets, pack my bags and go.

This journey made me stronger in a way, when I go back to meet my friends and family they say things like I’m not bending too much, that I’m standing strong. Well, I mean, I had to be strong, otherwise I’d die – okay not die, but to survive. I am here alone and I have to take care of everything, to take care of myself. I have to take care when I walk on the street and people say some bad things to me. So yeah, I think it shaped my personality and the way of thinking. I mean, I’m 100% Thai, but now I’m also a little bit more influenced in a way that I am more – I don’t want to use the word Western, but if I go back, then people see me and immediately feel that I’m from somewhere else.

I think so, yeah. Let’s speak about this period before I came here. I was working in this company, and the payment was very, very low, and I knew I had to fight for more. I graduated with the best project from my university, then I came to work here in Germany and got the lowest payment. Come on, is it because of who I am? Because I am a woman? Because I’m Southeast Asian? That I am not German? So one day I told my boss „hey you have to give me a raise, I make everything, I am your best hand“ and he just said that I’m just not qualified. If I’m not qualified then who is? I was like, okay watch me. I submitted something to another company and asked the double of what I earned there. After that I went to him and quit. 

Yeah, I think I fought back very well that day. It’s not only about money, it’s about…, I slashed it all my life, you know? I got my bachelors degree, I won an award, I was the best, I got my masters and again, I was the best. I am a hard worker and apparently very good at what I do, I mean, otherwise you wouldn’t have the green all over. So yeah, I am fighting for a lot of things. 

But I don’t want to fight anymore, because I am here, I exist. I want to come and say, here, this is me, here I am. I don’t t have to fight, I don’t have to prove to you that I am good, you have to understand that I am good, because I know I am.

You always feel weak as a woman, you’re always put inside a box or reduced to something or are less cared about. You have to prove yourself all the time, your spot, that you deserve this position. If you’re a man you never have to.

When I was working as an architect, I think it was 80% women in the office and I was the only Asian one. I was in a high position and it was hard because I always had to prove myself, they doubted my authority. If I were a man, they’d never question my decision. It’s funny because like I said, I used to have this imagination about the west world, I was so innocent and thought that there is no such thing as racism here. But that’s completely the opposite. Especially when there were meetings with other people, the last one they greeted was me, but then it turned out I was actually the boss. They were always surprised when I told them that I am the project leader. What do you mean? Why are you surprised?

If people see a pretty girl walk into the gym, then they’ll think a lot of shit. In my studio, everyone already knows that I am strong. But in new gyms, it’s like oh, how long have you been doing it? Are you a beginner? Until I start to do some kicks. oh, she’s stronger than me. I will not mess with her anymore. It’s always the same but I understand how to handle it. As I said before, I’m not here to prove them that I’m good. I am here for me and what you think doesn’t matter. It matters who I am. 

I don’t really have that experience personally, because I’m not that big, I mean like having so many big muscles and everything.

When people want to have muscles, they train together with weightlifting and all this stuff. But most of the time, if you train regular Muay Thai, you don’t like to do that so much because being big will make you slow. So you actually want to be a little bit more lean. 

Also, on a sparring day, when they look at you and see a lot of muscles, especially when you’re a woman, they kind of start to project themselves on to you. They become more aggressive, maybe scared and they react to it. When I go sparring, people know that I train a lot, they start doing something out of fear or insecurity, because they see it like an outfit, the muscles as an outfit.

It doesn’t matter if it’s in sports, or if it’s on the street. Here, especially in the martial arts, since it’s a male dominated sport, there is very little place for women. Now it’s starting to become famous and a lot of people try to include more women, I think it’s because in terms of business. They make more money with female fighters, because you can sell them and it’s a better image. 

But then at the same time, like we talked about before, if a pretty girl walks through the gym then she gets underestimated and I think that’s the the answer to your question. You have to prove that you’re good. But it’s ironic because that is so far away from the core of the sport itself. It’s actually about being respectful. 

I think the more it gets international or spread to other people who don’t understand the culture, who don’t understand the heritage of the sport itself, then it’s transforming to this kind of behavior of looking down on others. There are two sides to it that the sport gets famous, it’s good, yes, but the same time you can’t control how people think. 

But that is the world, it doesn’t matter. It really just doesn’t matter man or woman, young or old, pretty or not pretty, you are doing this sport for yourself. You’re racing your own race. You try to prove it to yourself. You’re trying to improve in your own pace. It’s not like you practice once, then go to the competition the next day and become famous. That’s not the point. 

When you compare that to your life, it’s the same, you know? You practice, then you understand you can pursue it or cannot pursue it, you get the reward. You know if you can cut the onions without crying, then you can eat the onions. Or if you’re crying, maybe you just ask somebody else to cut it. So it’s the same, the scale is just bigger. 

No, it was already quite popular. But I struggled a little bit at the beginning because I trained with the German girls and, you know, they are bigger and taller than me. Also, I think a lot of people who are training this kind of sport have a big ego too. What I teach all the time, is that it’s not about winning. You’re learning together. You let your friend learn something from you, you learn something from your friend. Back then I didn’t understand why people were so aggressive to me. But after a while that I practiced and also trained, I understood that it also came from being human, from fear, adrenaline, but also prejudices like “oh she’s from Thailand, so it’s already in her blood” So yeah, I struggled a little bit at the beginning but then later on, I learned how to communicate. You’re here for training, I don’t want to injure you, maybe try to do the same. 

What do I think of being a woman in this journey? I think I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t want to be stressed about being a woman or a man. If I were to be in a race with the same person as me but male, I don’t think this guy will win. I think I will win all the way, because I already know a lot of things and who I am. 

This path is so difficult and challenging, and for a man, I think his life is easier and he cannot handle this as well as me as a woman, right? Because if you never make a mistake, then you will never learn. I think by being a woman, you try a lot, sometimes it’s right, sometimes it’s wrong; by that you get on the path where you understand this is the way how you handle yourself, how to handle this situation, this person, or how to behave in certain situations.

I think I don’t trust myself so much sometimes. (laughs)

I would say it’s more like I believe. I don’t trust myself so much because sometimes I can have a wildcard. I believe in me, I am me, I can execute a lot of things and I can make everything happen if I want to. 

My younger self should take more risks. You have to go a bit more crazy. My younger self was, like I said, a little bit innocent and scared, because I didn’t know anything. It’s normal for humans, like if you turn off the lights, you start to get scared, because you cannot see. After my injury I started to think, you have to take more risks and learn more, because you only live once so you have to be happy. You have to understand every angle of yourself. You have to be very sad in order to understand how it is like to be happy, how to be happy. And you have be very angry to understand how to stop that anger, how to control it. You have to feel a lot of empathy and sympathy. You have to be in the position that gives you this extreme feeling in order to understand the other end, right? If you never struggle, if everything comes easy for you, then you will never understand.

What I always repeat in the class is, relax, breathe, relax. Because sometimes people forget the simple thing, just to relax, you know? If you feel like you want to do something so bad, then you’re not relaxed and then you don’t breathe and then you forget about everything. 

And then I say, come back to yourself first. It sounds very poetic when I explain it to you, but in the class, not so poetic, more like COME ON, BREATHE!!! Well, you have to remind them. People just don’t think about it, they forget that you have to take a deep breath. Only then you can continue and move on. 

It doesn’t matter in which situation in life, you always have to take a little break before you can move on. You come back to yourself, here is where I am, this is what I want to do. You can’t do five things at the same time, you cannot throw a punch and a kick and elbows and knees all together at once. And don’t try it, because it won’t work. You have to take a little step back then you can understand it. When you’re in this rush, you’re just kind of blinded. 

I want to teach them kind of a rhythm because everyone needs a rhythm, right? A rhythm of life, nothing needs to be in a rush. But in my experience, teaching rhythm… It’s very hard. It’s like dancing. If you don’t have the rhythm, you just can’t dance. I think that’s basically the core of Muay Thai. You first have to have the rhythm to understand the moves, right? And when you compare it in a poetic way, it’s like you have to listen to your body and to move the way your body can move. That’s the starting point. When you understand your body, then you can do a lot of other things.