Words by Lilli Lammert

Making Sense of It All: Holly Humberstone on Creativity, Love & Growing Up

For Holly Humberstone, expressing her raw emotions through music is as essential as food or even air. The British singer-songwriter sees it as a form of escapism and a way to process her inner feelings. Known for her dreamy, atmospheric sound and emotionally honest lyrics, she explores love in all its contradictions on her new album "Cruel World". In conversation with our author she talks about the facets of love, facing her fears, and how she navigates through the ups and downs of her life in the music industry.

“I think that love is so powerful is because it’s the best thing in the world, but it can be really, really, really painful at the same time.”    

Lilli Lammert: Cruel World delves into the complexities of love. How did the album come together, and what drew you to this theme in particular?

Holly Humberstone: Love is such a powerful emotion. It’s like nostalgia. I think the reason love is so powerful is because it’s the best thing in the world, but it can be really, really, really painful at the same time. You can’t really separate out the two opposite ends of the spectrum. That’s what makes love so powerful, and that’s why there’s that kind of dichotomy within the album.

While listening to Cruel World, I was reminded of fairytales and even gothic imagery. Is there a specific movie or piece of media you took inspiration from?

Definitely. I spent a long time gathering references, and I worked with my older sister, who has been helping me creatively direct this project. And that’s been really fun because she understands me better than anybody. We actually went back to our childhood home where we grew up to help my parents move out. There, we rediscovered all of these books, films and music that we used to love as children, and a lot of that influenced the visuals, videos and mood of the album.

I had this book of the Brothers Grimm fairytales that I got for Christmas one year, that I was really obsessed with as a kid. I just loved the gothic themes of all of these stories. And also, just kind of classic fairytale, kind of coming-of-age stories, I really love and I really relate to – like Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz.

For me, music is a form of escapism. Being able to create a world around everything I’ve been going through over the past two years whilst writing this album has felt like both a shield and a coping mechanism. I think it’s okay to need to escape into a different world for a little bit. And that’s what this album has been for me, and that’s why I hope it can be for other people.

What does your songwriting process look like? Are there certain things that help you get into a creative mindset, or does it change depending on what's going on in your life?

I don’t think I’ve quite figured out my songwriting process yet. It changes all the time, and songwriting can be chaotic, with so many different things acting as a catalyst for a song. I don’t think there’s a right way to write a song; it just depends on what’s going on in your life. I spend quite a lot of my time feeling uninspired, too but it’s about realizing that creativity comes in waves and that it’s a process. You don’t have to be writing and creating all the time. In fact, forcing it when you’re not feeling particularly creative can make you feel really bad.

I try to let it naturally happen and not put too much pressure on myself, then I try to make the most of it and get in the studio when I’m feeling like I have something to bring to the table and something to draw from. I just go about my daily life with my Notes app open, writing down ideas, little phrases I think are cool, or things people have said that I find interesting. Songwriting is my way of trying to understand myself and the people around me, and to make sense of it all. I’m most inspired when I’m around the people I love.

“Songwriting is my way of trying to understand myself and the people around me, and to make sense of it all. I’m most inspired when I’m around the people I love.”

Finding old stuff from your childhood home must make it feel so much more personal, right?

Totally. Whilst writing the album, I had quite a lot of time to just exist, live life and figure out who I am now, as well as how I want to tell this chapter of my story. As an artist, you don’t often get much time to stop and reflect, and to reconnect with who you are as a person outside of being an artist. I think having that time has been really important in making this album feel so personal to me.

Is there a song on Cruel World that you feel particularly connected to right now? What makes that song special to you?

I’m really proud of the whole album. The reason it took quite a long time is because I just wanted every song to feel as authentic as possible and like a true reflection of where I am now, and to have an important part in the story of Cruel World.

If I had to pick one song, maybe for this time of year, I’ll pick Die Happy, just because, for me, it’s got that cinematic, kind of gothic, Halloween-y type sound to it. For me, it can be really useful to picture a visual in my head when I’m writing. You can see the visual when you listen to Die Happy. It’s got a very clear aesthetic to it, and it feels particularly like it hits in the way I want it to at this time of year. I wrote it around this time of year, and it’s got a lot of references to some of my favourite gothic fairytales.

In the closing song on the album, “Beauty Pageant”, you sing “You’ll find me chronically online”, how would you describe your online consumption? What's your FYP like?

Oh, it’s toxic as hell. It’s quite hard to undo something that feels quite ingrained. A lot of people of our generation have grown up on Instagram and Facebook or TikTok and it’s such a part of my life that I wish I didn’t have.

There are lots of amazing things about social media, and it spreads awareness for really important world issues. Having a platform allows me to speak out about things that matter to me, but online spaces also help people find their community and connect with others, especially if they’ve grown up socialising online. But I have not figured out how to have a healthy relationship with my social media yet, and I just don’t know if I’m going to get there.

Comparison is something that I’ve always really struggled with as well. Social media is a perfect place for you to go and see all the best parts of other people’s lives. It can make you feel really terrible about your own, even though, you know, it’s obviously fake and people are sharing only the highlight reels of what’s happening, myself included.

I find it really hard to find a balance, and I know it’s something I’m addicted to, which I really don’t like. It’s something that everybody is struggling with, not just me. Whether you have a platform or not, I think that just existing online is sometimes really terrible for your mental health.

“I think that just existing online is sometimes really terrible for your mental health.”

Beauty Pageant is a song I’ve felt the need to write for a long time. It’s about my experience of being a girl and growing up in the world, with sisters and at an all-girls school. There’s always been this external pressure to compete. Writing that song helped me confront that this is an issue that I have.

As women, we’re held to particularly high standards, and often we’re our own worst critics. We have to work twice as hard as men to get anything done or shout twice as loud, and this is something that I’ve experienced within the music industry across the board, but also within my everyday life as a woman existing in the world. This is my observation, and getting to write about it can feel really healing and really cathartic.

“As women, we’re held to particularly high standards, and often we’re our own worst critics.“

You grew up in a small town, and now you've been opening for artists like Olivia Rodrigo, girl in red, Lewis Capaldi and, of course, Taylor Swift. When you look back at that journey, is there a moment that still feels surreal to you?

Oh, of course. I have to constantly remind myself how lucky I am to get to do this as a job and to have achieved things that I’m really, really proud of.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere and my parents both worked for the NHS, so they were quite busy. My sisters and I were just left at home to be creative and play and use the space to experiment.

Music was always what I gravitated towards, but I went to a very academically focused all-girls school, so becoming a musician never really felt like a legitimate career path. I couldn’t see how it could ever become a reality, even though it had been my biggest dream since I was little.

I think that even though it can get quite stressful sometimes and I do have to remind myself how proud I’d be if my 11-year-old self could get a glimpse into the future and see what I’m doing now.

There’s been so many moments when I’ve thought, this is a really special moment, and I need to remember to take this in. The Eras Tour was pretty special. I think I’m part of a whole generation of girls that grew up listening to Taylor Swift and being inspired by her. Getting to open for her was pretty unreal.

Honestly, just going on tour and having a band. I have a pinch-me moment when I’m on stage and I step back from what’s happening and just appreciate the fact that I get to play my own shows. Having a band of musicians who are amazing and that I love, and getting to perform with them every night makes me feel so lucky. The concept of somebody buying a ticket to come and see me play is crazy.

You already talked about comparing yourself to others — how much of being creative is also about struggling with yourself?

I don’t think you have to be miserable to be able to make good art at all. Good art can also come from an amazing place. But I think you have to be feeling something to be able to create something out of nothing. It really helps if you are an emotional person and if you’re a sensitive person, and if the world affects you a lot.

Creating things should also just be for you, and you shouldn’t have to feel like you have to share them with people. When I’m having a bad mental health period, I always think that I need to make something for myself that I don’t need to share with anybody, because everybody needs a creative outlet somehow, whether that’s making some art or making some music or drawing or writing something. It’s really nurturing for your soul. Not enough people take it seriously as something like food that we need. It’s like exercise. It’s something that we should do for our wellbeing. I’m always trying to create, whether I’m feeling good or bad or nothing at all. Some of my best songs have come from a really, really happy, positive place.

“Everybody needs a creative outlet somehow. It’s really nurturing for your soul.”

Your new single „Too Cute to be Lonely” just came out. How are you feeling about its release?

I’m really excited. It feels a little sad because it’s the closing of a chapter, which feels like the start of the end of Cruel World. Sharing it with the world feels like it’s not mine anymore, which is obviously the amazing thing about making music. Hopefully, other people relate to it. But it’s definitely a feeling that’s hard to describe, sharing something so personal.nIt’s a flirty song about being on a night out and maybe having a crush and wondering whether it’s going to lead to something more.

To me, it sounds like Cruel World, but with a little bit more freedom. I wrote a lot of songs towards the end of finishing the album. They all just sound very free, after finishing the album I had all this time to just go and explore and be experimental. You can really hear how I was feeling in Too Cute to Be Lonely. It’s just a really fun song. I’m really proud of it, and I can’t wait for other people to hear it.

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